Feast or Famine

I have learned something about myself. I am not a good dieter. LOL, I'm sure that doesn't surprise you, but I don't mean it in the traditional way. Obviously I am not good at sticking to a diet. After awhile I get completely frustrated and bored with it, especially since a normal diet does not help me at all because of PCOS. What I really mean though, is that it's an all or nothing thing with me.

After getting up to 296 pounds I finally started taking Metformin. For awhile it wasn't doing any good at all, other than making me not feel too good. But I stuck with it and got my dose doubled. (Doc wanted to triple it but you have to take it with food and I cannot eat 3 meals a day!) Well, the weight has started to go down and for about a week I was losing about a pound every two days. Unlike most people who would be excited about that I just started stressing. You see, if I can lose 1 pound in two days, something in my brain thinks if I eat a bit less I can lose a pound in ONE day. And if I can lose a pound a day, why not TWO pounds a day, etc...

I think my head is back on track now, at least FOR now but I have to be so careful. I don't want to slip into bulimic thinking, or go the other way and give up because I'm not losing as fast as I'd like to.

On a totally different note,

I HAVE A JOB!!!!! After 6 years of going back and forth to Canada and working there...after not being allowed to work in the United States...I finally have my Green Card, SSN, and a job. I've even got my first paycheck, LMAO. I got a check for $25.85 for 3 hours worth of training and orientation. I have never been so proud of such a small amount. My "real" paychecks start at the end of next week, but this one was special. I even paid a teeny tiny bit of tax, lol.

Warning, personal "woman stuff" in this blog

Hi everyone! I can't believe it's been so long since I've written. There's been A LOT going on!





As you know, I had my immigration appointment and was told I needed another medical from an INS approved doctor. Well, thanks to a really cool lady (no names being given) I was able to get that last week. Everything turned out great and I've sent the medical packet off to INS but while I was seeing the doctor she decided to go ahead and just do a normal check up on top of the immigration medical. I told her about having PCOD (PCOS) and she immediately gave me a prescription for Metformin. Metformin works by changing the way the body processes sugars and carbs, which is a big cause of PCOD. I am on 500mgs once a day so far, but will ask to have my prescription doubled since I'm not having any problems at this dose at all. Some people go up to 2000mgs a day but I will probably stop at 1000mgs. I really hope I will soon start to see a difference.





I have also been on my period for 15 days now. I only started the Metformin 5 days ago so I know it's not because of that. Maybe my body is finally going to start doing what it's supposed to and this is just getting rid of all the crap that's built up over the years of not having a proper period. Every 6 months or so I've gotten a period that's just kind of like spotting; it lasts a couple days and than goes away for another half of a year. This one is not doing that, lol.





I just want to be normal. I don't want to be a beauty queen or a skinny mini model type person. I'd love to be a size 16-18....maybe 180-200 pounds. I would love to have the energy AND the ability to go jogging....or even to walk a couple of miles with Noelle. I would love to have my husband look at me and see beauty and sexiness. But more than even that, I would love to go to Walmart's plus size section and be able to try on an outfit without being embarrassed because they don't have it in my size.

Not ready for this! and baby jealousy

Ugh! Today it got up to 84 Farenheit. That is 29 Celcius. It is FEBRUARY!!!! Summer in Texas means having a whore bath (using a cloth and cool, soapy water to wash the "stinky" parts) 3-4 times a day, actual showers at least once a day if not twice, not sleeping well, rashes in icky places, and not much exercise because I cannot handle heat. I don't want an early summer. If it was up to me there would only be three seasons, Spring, Fall and Winter.

Spring would last 6 months and the temp would range from 10C - 18C. (50F - 64F)

Fall would be 3 months and temps would be from -5Celcius up to about 10 degrees. (23F - 50F)

And Winter would be from -5 down to about -15. (23F - 5F) There WOULD be lots of snow for winter. It would also last about 3 months and would go from the beginning of November to the end of January.

I think even my Mom would be okay with that part although she really likes Summer. I don't think I am asking too much.

In other news, I have started taking Cinnamon and Chromium pills to help balance my sugars and carbs in my body. It might actually be working. I've lost about 5 pounds so far. I just have to remember to take it twice a day. I've never been really good about remembering my pills.

I had a dream the other night that every female in my household, even my spayed animals, were all pregnant except for me. I woke up in tears because sometimes it feels true. Everyone around me gets pregnant fairly easily and so many people in my life have children that they don't care for properly. To them their kids are just a "job" or a "nuisance". Accidents that they don't really want but have anyway. So many times I've had to bite my tongue so I don't blurt out that I will take their child from them. I know I can't do that because even though they don't really care about their kids, they wouldn't want anyone else to have them. It's like their children are property. When they are cute and sweet they love them, but when they misbehave or don't learn things just the way the parents want them to, they are "brats". I'd give anything to have a "brat" of my own.

What is PCOS?

For those of you who do not know what it is, let me explain a bit about PCOS.

PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is a hormonal disorder among women. 6 to 10% of women have this disorder and do not know that they even have it.

This disorder can affect a woman's fertility, hormones, menstrual cycle, production of insulin, blood vessels, heart and appearance. There are ways that a doctor will be able to tell if a woman has PCOS by some of the characteristics that are presented. The characteristics that doctors look for are: the high levels of a male hormone, which can cause facial hair, irregular or no menstrual cycle and there may be some cysts on the ovaries. The cysts are fluid filled sacs.

No one knows the exact cause of PCOS. Women with PCOS frequently have a mother or sister with PCOS. But there is not yet enough evidence to say there is a genetic link to this disorder. Many women with PCOS have a weight problem. So researchers are looking at the relationship between PCOS and the body's ability to make insulin. Insulin is a hormone that regulates the change of sugar, starches, and other food into energy for the body's use or for storage. Since some women with PCOS make too much insulin, it's possible that the ovaries react by making too many male hormones, called androgens. This can lead to acne, excessive hair growth, weight gain, and ovulation problems.

In women with PCOS, the ovary doesn't make all of the hormones it needs for any of the eggs to fully mature. They may start to grow and accumulate fluid. But no one egg becomes large enough. Instead, some may remain as cysts. Since no egg matures or is released, ovulation does not occur and the hormone progesterone is not made. Without progesterone, a woman's menstrual cycle is irregular or absent. Also, the cysts produce male hormones, which continue to prevent ovulation.

There are certain signs and symptoms that determine if a woman has PCOS. Some of the signs are: absence of menstrual cycle or irregular cycles, infertility or no ability to become pregnant because of not being able to ovulate, increasing hair growth on the face or stomach, pelvic pain, acne or oily skin, extreme weight gain around the waist, type 2 diabetes (caused by the extreme weight gain in the mid section), high cholesterol, high blood pressure, thinning hair, patches of dark skin around the neck or arms, and sleep apnea. As far as the high cholesterol and high blood pressure, that is associated with the type 2 diabetes

There is no cure for PCOS; however, there are treatments to help manage this disorder. The ways that a woman can manage this disorder are: birth control pills, medication for diabetes such as metformin (glucophage), medicine for fertility, medicine for increased hair growth or extra male hormones, surgery and last but not least is getting down to a healthy weight.

Unfortunately, with disorder comes the risk of developing other serious conditions. Irregular menstrual periods and the absence of ovulation cause women to produce the hormone estrogen, but not the hormone progesterone. Without progesterone, which causes the endometrium to shed each month as a menstrual period, the endometrium becomes thick, which can cause heavy bleeding or irregular bleeding. Eventually, this can lead to cancer. Women with PCOS are also at higher risk for diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease. Getting the symptoms under control at an earlier age may help to reduce this risk.Right now, doctors are doing the best they can and doing more research about this disorder. There is hope for all the women who are faced with PCOS. There are doctors out there who specialize in the hormones and the reproductive system. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/240411/polycystic_ovarian_syndrome_definition.html?cat=52

I normally shave my face EVERY day to make sure that the hair is hidden. But I purposely left it alone for three days so I could take pics and post them on here.