Feast or Famine

I have learned something about myself. I am not a good dieter. LOL, I'm sure that doesn't surprise you, but I don't mean it in the traditional way. Obviously I am not good at sticking to a diet. After awhile I get completely frustrated and bored with it, especially since a normal diet does not help me at all because of PCOS. What I really mean though, is that it's an all or nothing thing with me.

After getting up to 296 pounds I finally started taking Metformin. For awhile it wasn't doing any good at all, other than making me not feel too good. But I stuck with it and got my dose doubled. (Doc wanted to triple it but you have to take it with food and I cannot eat 3 meals a day!) Well, the weight has started to go down and for about a week I was losing about a pound every two days. Unlike most people who would be excited about that I just started stressing. You see, if I can lose 1 pound in two days, something in my brain thinks if I eat a bit less I can lose a pound in ONE day. And if I can lose a pound a day, why not TWO pounds a day, etc...

I think my head is back on track now, at least FOR now but I have to be so careful. I don't want to slip into bulimic thinking, or go the other way and give up because I'm not losing as fast as I'd like to.

On a totally different note,

I HAVE A JOB!!!!! After 6 years of going back and forth to Canada and working there...after not being allowed to work in the United States...I finally have my Green Card, SSN, and a job. I've even got my first paycheck, LMAO. I got a check for $25.85 for 3 hours worth of training and orientation. I have never been so proud of such a small amount. My "real" paychecks start at the end of next week, but this one was special. I even paid a teeny tiny bit of tax, lol.

Introduction

Hey everyone! I guess I'm supposed to introduce myself a little bit on here, or at least explain my blogging. I am fighting a battle here and everywhere. This isn't a blog about losing weight. Yes, I go to the gym. Yes, I try to eat healthy. Therefore there's a chance that some weight loss may occur since this health stuff is all new to me. However, I'm not TRYING to lose weight. My whole life I've tried to lose weight and you know what? I've just kept gaining. I've tried every diet that I could. I've beat myself up. I'm not doing that anymore. My life focus is now to just be as healthy as I possibly can and to learn to love myself. That isn't easy. This blog is about THAT battle. Did you know that the average woman is a size 14? Not a 6, or a 4, and definitely not the 2 or 0 that the media tries to force on us. Did you know that in some countries, countries that have not been Americanized, fat is considered beautiful? Yup, it's seen as a sign of wealth to have a fat wife.

Now I'm not saying to sit around and eat chocolate and cake all day and expect to be healthy. You DO have to exercise. You DO have to eat healthy and as natural as possible. Trans fat is bad. High fructose corn syrup is even worse. Too much sugar, fat of any kind or calories is bad. But you don't have to starve to be healthy. You don't have to starve to be beautiful.

Anyway, that's me. My blog will be about my life and my struggle to feel pretty when the world tells me that I'm not.