Pain and confusion, sounds like an emo song

So I lost one of my best friends on Sunday. Tacky has been with me since 1999 and has seen and heard so much of my heartache. I don't know what I'll do without him. He was one of the best cats I've ever had and I had him longer then any other animal. I know this has nothing to do with body image and all that but he was so important to me that I feel I need to write about him.

As far as my body image goes, it's been real low lately. I'm participating in this 4 week workshop called Figure Fabulous. A friend of mine is running it and asked me to help with a bunch of the behind the scenes stuff. For payment I got to attend the workshop for free. ($100 is what I would have to pay otherwise.) I thought maybe it would be okay, because the focus is supposed to be on the mind. But what I didn't realize is that the focus is actually on "Changing your mind to change your body". So basically it's going against everything I'm trying to do in my life, which is ACCEPT MYSELF THE WAY I AM RIGHT NOW, IN THIS BODY!

I guess I still do want to lose weight, but I don't want it to be the whole reason for living. Life is too short. I just want to live it while I can. I have to admit, I would like to lose enough to feel comfortable again. As it is my stomach feels like a lead weight sitting on my lap. That part does drive me crazy. I don't know, I am just rambling at this point so I will sign off for now.

Hugs, kisses and belly bumps!